The first cut is the deepest.

On the 20th October 2010, George Osbourne announced over 81 billion pounds worth of cuts in our economy. I feel for the guy; someone had to make those decisions and whoever it was had a barrage of public anger coming their way. And in actual fact the decisions he has made aren't as bad as everyone had expected - dare i say some of them have been good decisions.

Making decisions is not something I am very good at. If I had the country's economy at stake, we would be in crisis (not least because i can't actually count very well... let alone work out a four year financial plan!). Making life decisions isn't like deciding which handbag i should buy - but i most definitely wish it was.

Recently I've had much reason to scrutinize my own decision making ability. I moved to a new place and found rather swiftly that it wasn't for me at all. I had made a seemingly bad decision. Perhaps my choice to move had been overshadowed by other ideas? Perhaps I had wished such an idea into reality? This remains to be seen. I had to make a good decision; and all the best decisions in my life seem to revolve around coming back home.
It got me thinking about the tough decisions that God must have to make.

Shortly after moving home, my family and I experienced the loss of an incredible, vivacious woman who was dearly loved and close to our hearts. She was an 85 year old lady with true guts, personality and sheer determination! She had a fondness for life and lived it pretty much to the full. She attended practically every birthday, baptism and other notable family occasion and was like a third grandmother to me. I will never forget her jovial demeanour; and will miss hearing her characterful east end accent ring through the house on a Sunday afternoon as she does the drying up for my mum; or sits in our living room knitting her next project for homeless children in Romania. I missed her as I celebrated my 21st birthday last weekend; and will continue to miss her at other occasions that I know she would have loved to be at. As Cat Stevens wrote in the iconic song of which this blog borrows it's title: 'When it comes to being loved she's first, that's how I know.'

But missing people only evokes memories; and allows us to engage in the beauty of remembrance. I will never forget her last conversation with me: 'I think you made the right decision, my girl... I really do think that'. I am not the only one who is home.

God makes hard decisions. He makes them for us - saving us from making the decisions ourselves. He can, because he's already made the ultimate decision - weeping as we weep, bearing our pain and mourning with us. It's not an easy decision to give up your one and only Son to die. This cut was definitely the most painful.

'No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord'. (Romans 8:37-39)

It's OK to take each day as it comes. It's OK to have things you had planned fall apart and realise that you need to trust in God again, more than ever. It's OK to feel like no-where's home, because ultimately we have a home in heaven that will be greater than this one on earth. It's OK to make decisions that will surprise and disappoint people when they are the only pragmatic solution for you. It's OK to remember.


I'm learning to trust the only authority that I know; and believe that He has it covered.