Choosing to delight

In an odd twist of fate, I received an unconditional offer to Kent University a few months ago, and finally have accepted it. Despite initial protests, I will finally be attending university. It's such a bizaare realisation to come to. After many months of convincing myself that i would either marry well or fall into christian youthwork - it dawned on me;
sometimes we don't need to try too hard to decipher God's calling on our lives. sometimes God just gives us the right to choose.

I want to study something I'm passionate about, and something that I don't know much about - that would interest me. I want to stay close to home and I want to have the ability to be as financially secure as possible. I guess that if you dig deeper into those statements, it can be discovered that deep down, I am scared of studying for no reason, scared of being too far away from my parents and scared of being broke. It's not rocket science.

But lately the bible verse from Psalm 37:4 has struck me. 'Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart'. What is it to delight in God? Do I truly know how to do this?
What I do know, is that God knows my heart's desires, and with that he also knows my fears and he holds them close to his heart. He knows my worries about moving too far away from home, studying academically again and being broke and he's got it covered.

So far I've seen God's hand move immesaruably in my life. God has kept me safe moving to Watford, living in a wonderful house with housemates that only God could have ordained for me to know. God has ended relationships in my life that were unhealthy, and distracted me from focusing on him. But God has also given me the ability to choose all these things - to want to go to Watford, to want to have relationships with boys that weren't too good for me, and to want to go to university.

Our life isn't always about being 'called' to a certain path, discerning if that is the right one to follow and acting accordingly. I worry sometimes that this christian jargon prevents us from being selfish with God, and honest about what the desires of our heart truly are. We have forgotten what it is to delight in God. To delight in who He is, what He is and how almighty He is. And delight doesn't just mean mild acknowledgement of this fact; it means truly rejoicing and magnificently reflecting on that, and on Him. To this end, God gives us the desires of our hearts; and the great part about it is that when we truly delight in God, these desires aren't clouded by worldly perspective or personal gain because in realising Jesus, we realise that these things are irrespective. It is when we place these limitations on God that these desires aren't met and we get disappointed, seeing the lack of response as worldly failure rather than kingdom gain.

There is a classic line in Little Women where Amy says: 'We're all going to grow up someday Meg. We might as well know what we want'. I am in no way fully grown in Christ and I love that I never will be, but I do agree with Amy. Someday, I will be in heaven with Jesus - and it will be rocking. Until then, it's OK to know what I want, and to desire it - as long as I am also truly delighting in the Lord.

God gives us choice; and if our creator is powerful enough to move mountains and calm storms, I happen to believe that if I ever made a wrong choice - He'd let me know pretty quickly. And that's what's so awesome about my God.