In an odd twist of fate, I received an unconditional offer to Kent University a few months ago, and finally have accepted it. Despite initial protests, I will finally be attending university. It's such a bizaare realisation to come to. After many months of convincing myself that i would either marry well or fall into christian youthwork - it dawned on me;
sometimes we don't need to try too hard to decipher God's calling on our lives. sometimes God just gives us the right to choose.
I want to study something I'm passionate about, and something that I don't know much about - that would interest me. I want to stay close to home and I want to have the ability to be as financially secure as possible. I guess that if you dig deeper into those statements, it can be discovered that deep down, I am scared of studying for no reason, scared of being too far away from my parents and scared of being broke. It's not rocket science.
But lately the bible verse from Psalm 37:4 has struck me. 'Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart'. What is it to delight in God? Do I truly know how to do this?
What I do know, is that God knows my heart's desires, and with that he also knows my fears and he holds them close to his heart. He knows my worries about moving too far away from home, studying academically again and being broke and he's got it covered.
So far I've seen God's hand move immesaruably in my life. God has kept me safe moving to Watford, living in a wonderful house with housemates that only God could have ordained for me to know. God has ended relationships in my life that were unhealthy, and distracted me from focusing on him. But God has also given me the ability to choose all these things - to want to go to Watford, to want to have relationships with boys that weren't too good for me, and to want to go to university.
Our life isn't always about being 'called' to a certain path, discerning if that is the right one to follow and acting accordingly. I worry sometimes that this christian jargon prevents us from being selfish with God, and honest about what the desires of our heart truly are. We have forgotten what it is to delight in God. To delight in who He is, what He is and how almighty He is. And delight doesn't just mean mild acknowledgement of this fact; it means truly rejoicing and magnificently reflecting on that, and on Him. To this end, God gives us the desires of our hearts; and the great part about it is that when we truly delight in God, these desires aren't clouded by worldly perspective or personal gain because in realising Jesus, we realise that these things are irrespective. It is when we place these limitations on God that these desires aren't met and we get disappointed, seeing the lack of response as worldly failure rather than kingdom gain.
There is a classic line in Little Women where Amy says: 'We're all going to grow up someday Meg. We might as well know what we want'. I am in no way fully grown in Christ and I love that I never will be, but I do agree with Amy. Someday, I will be in heaven with Jesus - and it will be rocking. Until then, it's OK to know what I want, and to desire it - as long as I am also truly delighting in the Lord.
God gives us choice; and if our creator is powerful enough to move mountains and calm storms, I happen to believe that if I ever made a wrong choice - He'd let me know pretty quickly. And that's what's so awesome about my God.
Tuesday 23 February 2010
Wednesday 3 February 2010
'Praise does wonders for a person's hearing'
The above slogan was recently proudly displayed on the notice boards outside the quaint little baptist church down our road. I don't normally pay attention to such notice boards, but this one definitely caught my eye - surprisingly it was catchy, thought-provoking and simple. If only it had been discovered before; it would have been marketing genius for the christian faith!
I've been thinking alot about praise.....it's a funny concept. Whilst I am familiar with it, and am aware that I have SO much to praise my God for, I am also aware that I will frequently limit my praise to specific acts of devotion, such as quiet times and church services. What is a 'heart of praise' really like in my life?
Everybody likes to be praised. I remember fondly my primary school teacher dancing for joy on my table and praising me for using the word 'presumed' at the age of eight. (Apparently such vocabulary was a rarity for someone so young. Incidentally, this teacher remained one of the biggest inspirations in my life to date). We like to know we have done something right - and more importantly, we love to get the credit for it. We even like to receive praise when it isn't us that deserves it. It's true: Praise does wonders for a person's hearing.
God's creation is blooming marvellous. Let's be honest - he did a great job. I don't know anyone on this earth that would have succeeded in creating something as complex, complete, intricate, beautiful, awesome and terrifyingly powerful as this earth. He did it right. And he SHOULD deserve the credit for it.
One of the most important things I am learning this year is to develop a heart of praise, and a heart of worship. It's one thing to know music, to read chords, to hear melodies and play them together. It's entirely another to use this as a personal language between you and God, whilst remembering all the other things in the meantime. A heart of praise comes from truly being in Jesus Christ; in knowing him and through loving him. It sound cheesy, and many great philosophers such as Matt Redman and Tim Hughes have already quoted similar things to this prior to my musings, but there is method in their madness! I would much rather praise and worship my God alone in the silence of my room, and His voice, than with a thousand people witnessing it - and that's the clincher.
The trinity is a complex doctrine. I still don't think I completely understand it. However one thing I have learnt about it recently has blown me away. We are IN God's son. It's like looking at a map in Bluewater with a big 'YOU ARE HERE' arrow pointing us straight at the Son, rather than John Lewis. The Trinity isn't a distant idea, we're a part of it. God wants us to be a part of it. It isn't just about giving our lives to Jesus and surrendering to him - it's about becoming a part of something unique, that can only have been created by the death of Jesus Christ.
That's intense, but that gives me even more reason to want to praise. I've been reading Jeremiah for the past few weeks, and have a favourite verse stuck on my bedroom wall:
'This is what the Lord says:
Let not the wise boast of their wisdom, or the strong boast of their strength, or the rich boast of their riches. But let those who boast, boast about this; that they understand and know me, that I am the Lord who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight'. (Jeremiah 9:23-24)
I want to boast in Jesus. I want to praise his name, in the silence and the noise. Funnily enough, it's doing wonders for my hearing too.
I've been thinking alot about praise.....it's a funny concept. Whilst I am familiar with it, and am aware that I have SO much to praise my God for, I am also aware that I will frequently limit my praise to specific acts of devotion, such as quiet times and church services. What is a 'heart of praise' really like in my life?
Everybody likes to be praised. I remember fondly my primary school teacher dancing for joy on my table and praising me for using the word 'presumed' at the age of eight. (Apparently such vocabulary was a rarity for someone so young. Incidentally, this teacher remained one of the biggest inspirations in my life to date). We like to know we have done something right - and more importantly, we love to get the credit for it. We even like to receive praise when it isn't us that deserves it. It's true: Praise does wonders for a person's hearing.
God's creation is blooming marvellous. Let's be honest - he did a great job. I don't know anyone on this earth that would have succeeded in creating something as complex, complete, intricate, beautiful, awesome and terrifyingly powerful as this earth. He did it right. And he SHOULD deserve the credit for it.
One of the most important things I am learning this year is to develop a heart of praise, and a heart of worship. It's one thing to know music, to read chords, to hear melodies and play them together. It's entirely another to use this as a personal language between you and God, whilst remembering all the other things in the meantime. A heart of praise comes from truly being in Jesus Christ; in knowing him and through loving him. It sound cheesy, and many great philosophers such as Matt Redman and Tim Hughes have already quoted similar things to this prior to my musings, but there is method in their madness! I would much rather praise and worship my God alone in the silence of my room, and His voice, than with a thousand people witnessing it - and that's the clincher.
The trinity is a complex doctrine. I still don't think I completely understand it. However one thing I have learnt about it recently has blown me away. We are IN God's son. It's like looking at a map in Bluewater with a big 'YOU ARE HERE' arrow pointing us straight at the Son, rather than John Lewis. The Trinity isn't a distant idea, we're a part of it. God wants us to be a part of it. It isn't just about giving our lives to Jesus and surrendering to him - it's about becoming a part of something unique, that can only have been created by the death of Jesus Christ.
That's intense, but that gives me even more reason to want to praise. I've been reading Jeremiah for the past few weeks, and have a favourite verse stuck on my bedroom wall:
'This is what the Lord says:
Let not the wise boast of their wisdom, or the strong boast of their strength, or the rich boast of their riches. But let those who boast, boast about this; that they understand and know me, that I am the Lord who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight'. (Jeremiah 9:23-24)
I want to boast in Jesus. I want to praise his name, in the silence and the noise. Funnily enough, it's doing wonders for my hearing too.
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